Blog Archives
Major Label De Pew
You know you’ve made it when the art you’ve passionately poured your heart and soul into is given away with toilet products. That same goal has driven A New Low for years. Thank you, Jo Dee Messina, for paving the way…
Bella Morte “In The Dirt”
The day A N’ L Lies was released (available here for an absolutely JUICY eight dollars and fifty cents), John Holden, Taem Jones and I migrated to Chattanooga, Tennessee to promote the DVD at Con Nooga 2010, pass the Bella Morte music video torch to Troma president, Lloyd Kaufman and participate in said music video, Bella Morte’s In the Dirt.
Now, first and foremost, I’d like to address why I wasn’t asked to direct Bella Morte’s new video. Afterall, I helmed the last three (zombie prom masterpiece, Earth Angel; dizzying blue hurricane of cinematic triumph, On The Edge; and the one with feathers, Find Forever Gone)…naturally, their fans were chanting my name in harmonic unison, awaiting the fourth coming of—what was it they were calling me…the “music video messiah” or something to that effect. So, what happened?
As you well know, I’m taking Hollywood by storm. I’m a very big deal. Essentially, I was asking 6 figures to do the new video…but Cock-Block Kaufman agreed to do it for a #6 at Taco Bell. See, it’s problematic when filmmakers are more involved with “art” and less concerned with money. So now, my name doesn’t appear in lights and my bank account suffers…it’s like, go get a paintbrush or something, artfag.
Lloyd and his Troma imprint were a very important part of my upbringing. Five minutes into my young and tender first viewing of the Toxic Avenger, my father jabbed his gurthy, vein rippled viking thumb hard into the eject button on our VCR and set sail for an angry return to Little Joe’s Video Rental. My parents thought it was a little too vulgar. They had no idea their attempts to shelter me from folks like Toxie would only fuel my growing curiosity of the obscene; force-feeding my imagination with more swear words, boogers, poop and toxic waste than you could find in all of Tromaville; ultimately, stitching a lifelong fascination with all things gross, shocking and heinous within the fabric of my soul. Hopping out of the director’s chair for Lloyd was a real honor…and knowing that I’d farted in it moments before he called “move your feet, lose your feet” was an added bonus.
So, without further ado, here’s Lloyd Kaufman’s latest work, STARRING John Holden, Taem Jones, myself, Toxie…and some unnecessary secretary (?) who makes the same face in every scene she’s in. Enjoy!
Six-Word Record Reviews (vol. 4)
Dave Matthews Band Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King
Freshman dorm room beer-slut music.
Gym Class Heroes The Quilt
Introductory hip hop for emo bedwetters.
Black Eyed Peas The E.N.D.
Sports bar music for divorced Caucasians.
Cobra Starship Hot Mess
Adults dressed like/performing for preteens.
Muse The Resistance
The “Delta Kappa Radiohead” roofies Queen.
Six-Word Record Reviews (vol. 3)
Paramore Brand New Eyes
Wentz groupies create more kindergarten anthems.
Kings of Leon Only by the Night
The sound of bearded men crying.
Asher Roth Asleep in the Bread Aisle
Rap for all-white, gated communities.
Jay-Z The Blueprint 3
Egomaniacal nursey rhymes, brand name packaging.
Ke$ha Animal
Cum-belching whore lowers the bar.
Six-Word Record Reviews (vol.2)
Vampire Weekend Contra
Abercrombie approved, sorority house turd rock.
3Oh!3 Want
Dumb jocks discover shitty laptop beats.
BrokeNCYDE I’m Not a Fan, But the Kids Like It!
Bizkit’s five remaining fans discover 3Oh!3.
Jack’s Mannequin The Glass Passenger
Singer’s leukemia compressed into audio format.
Bayside Bayside
Did their drummer die of boredom?
The best Superbowl half-time show…
…is on Fuse On Demand. Tune in and check out the music video for Bella Morte’s “Find Forever Gone”!
“Find Forever Gone” video now available on iTunes!
This is the first major retail release from the wonderful world of A New Low. If you have an iTunes account, show Metropolis Records you want to see me make more music videos–buy and review (at the very least, review) this video! If you’re feeling extra saucy, you can send the video as a gift. Your support is greatly appreciated by the band, myself and the crotchless hookers of Northern Canada.
iTunes Store: Bella Morte “Find Forever Gone”
Beautiful Death
The new Bella Morte album, Beautiful Death, is now available! Included on the physical CD release is the music video for “Find Forever Gone,” directed by yours truly.
The CD is available everywhere. Support the band, support A New Low, support turtleneck sweaters!
Bella Morte online store | iTunes | amazon | amazon mp3 | Target | Best Buy
Horseheads locals, pick it up at the Halloween Super Store just outside of center court in the Arnot Mall.
Bella Morte "Find Forever Gone"
I had no idea this was going up today, but my latest directorial effort is now online! This is the music video for “Find Forever Gone” by Bella Morte off their new album, Beautiful Death, which drops this coming Tuesday...
Happy October!
THIS JUST IN: it’s now ok to like the band Mest!
I saw Mest at the 2000 Edgefest and thought they put on a really good show. A few weeks later I bought their CD and only listened to it once on account of it being music for highshcool chicks.
Today, however, they’ve earned a spot in my iTunes library because their frontman, Tony Lovato, has been arrested on charges of MURDER!
punknews.org:
Tony Lovato, the frontman for defunct mainstream pop-punk act Mest, was jailed on suspicion of murder in Los Angeles on Sunday. Reuters is reporting that the 26 year old confessed to police that he stabbed his ex-girlfriend’s new lover. He is now being held on $1 million dollar bail.The preliminary news reports claim that Lovato was assaulted earlier in the day by 25 year old Wayne Hughes in the underground parking lot of an apartment building the Studio City suburb. Lt. Andrew Neiman of the Los Angeles Police Dept commented “At some point, Mr. Lovato produced a knife and the victim was stabbed… He has been booked for criminal homicide.” Police had visited the complex the night before due to an altercation between the two men but no arrests were made at that time.
MEST FUCKING RULES.
Jefferson Foxfire
Brothers Reev & Miles Jefferson are responsible for some of the most memorable music of the late 70′s. They performed in sold out arenas the world over and their songs You’ll Have To Get Through Me First, Berkowitz and New York Sunset, Milwaukee Sunrise both debuted at #1 on Billboard charts.
They parted ways in September 1984, letting international fame and fortune slip through their fingers after releasing their respective mediocre solo efforts.
When Reev died of a drug overdose in late 1986, his reclusive brother Miles came out of hiding to help compile Jefferson Foxfire Greatest Hits.
The project was cancelled by record label execs soon after its completion, due to public outrage over several remarks Miles made to Rolling Stone–including claims that he enjoys physically abusing prostitutes, and an apparent racist vendetta against rising star Emmanuel Lewis.
Over a decade had passed when popular college radio act September Morn called upon Miles to produce his self titled debut album. Though September Morn was generating a huge buzz due his involvement with the soundtrack of underground cult video classic, A New Low, the album was shelved by the record label indefinitely…once again due to it’s involvement with the undeniably talented, yet controversial Miles Jefferson.
Miles, once again discouraged by the industry that built him up and broke him down three times over the passed two and a half decades, went back into hiding…and hasn’t been heard from since.
However, in our time spent with Miles during the September Morn sessions, we got our hands on a promo copy of Greatest Hits. In order to help preserve the legacy of one of the greatest, albeit underrated, bands of the 70′s, we’ve decided to share with you Jefferson Foxfire‘s hit single, You’ll Have To Get Through Me First, Berkowitz. The song, originally released in July of 1978, has been digitally remastered and sounds better than ever!
To hear the song, check out Jefferson Foxfire‘s site on purevolume.com
The Emergence of a New Evil…
Thanks to everyone who came to The Haunt last night. If you pussied out, you missed a fresh almighty.
Bella Morte put on two great shows, but the real excitement came right before their second performance when DJ Wilhelm K spun “Fury Of Witch” for the first time ever…thus introducing the unsuspecting crowd to MURDERMORE. During the song, a riot broke out, 4 people were killed and Bella Morte were beneath their merch table, stacked one on top of another in the fetal position, whimpering, begging for a peaceful end to the violence and insanity. However, much to their credit, they took the stage directly after the song finished, played a few chanties, got their money and escaped with their lives.
Though they sloppily rushed through the set, it wouldn’t have mattered if they played the best show of their lives…MURDERMORE is an impossible act to follow, and the bottle-heaving crowd clearly wanted more Murder and less Morte.
No one knows where the CD single came from, or what to expect next. Just watch your back, there’s no telling when they’ll strike again…
Eric Thomas Craven
John Holden
Tony Shaddock
