Blog Archives
Toby n’ Deric #13
Pursue higher learning by studying this compilation of Scotty quotes: Carnie Tales (vol. 1).
Toby n’ Deric #12
Scotty can teach you how to pick up dates in his video tutorial, Sex Advice From a Carnie.
Toby n’ Deric #11
Follow Scotty’s sexpert advice in his video tutorial on makin’ sweet intercourse, Sex Advice From a Carnie.
Bon voyage, Scotty!
Well, we all knew it would come sooner or later…
That’s right, it’s carnival season—and right now, Scotty is on a bus to Middletown, Connecticut, where he begins his grueling 29th year as a carnie for Coleman Bros. Fair.
For five and a half months, thousands of children’s lives will be in Scotty’s hands while he’s off sneakin’ chew, peeping in porta potties, scouring for prostitutes and catching Mexicans jacking off under the merry-go-round.
Every so often, when he’s not covering up pee on the kiddie slide with coats of silicone spray or getting his dick tickled, he’ll be updating his Twitter page with firsthand accounts of sexual conquest, barroom brawls and more fairground mischief than you can shake a Kewpie doll at.
Follow Scotty on Twitter: http://twitter.com/ScottyTheCarnie
We’ll miss you, buddy. Give ‘em hell.
Carnie Tales (vol.2)
 Carnival season is right around the corner, and with Scotty gearing up for deployment, you can bet there’s just one thing on his mind…
S-E-X. Lord knows there’s plenty of that awaiting him on the open road. I sat down with Scotty to discuss the after-hours of the carnival business—when the lights go down on the ferris wheel, the pee splattered rides in Kiddie Land finally start to dry, the tarps come down on the ring toss and dunk tank…and the real games begin. In this edition of Carnie Tales, Scotty gives us a little sex education, breaking it down to the bare essentials… …prostitution:
|
…why women shouldn’t shave their pubic hair:
…how to get more women into bed:
…and his own sexuality:
|
Become friends with Scotty on Facebook. It’ll highly increase your chances of getting laid.
Self-Defense Tips From a Carnie
Patrick Swayze will live on in the hearts of millions of moviegoers as ghastly New York City night demon, Sam Wheat…and, of course, no one is likely to forget John “fidgety hips” Castle any time soon. However, with Swayze’s recent passing comes the inevitability of his secondary roles fading slowly into obscurity…and with this, we’re faced with the very real possibility of future generations growing up without the guidance of his most important film credit, James Dalton.
Dalton deficiency in a boy’s development will spark the devolution of man.
Without Road House, you lose the immortal words “pain don’t hurt”…and without this declaration, humanity loses it’s strength. Our species will become frail and weak. We will eventually be conquered by creatures inferior by today’s standards. A century from now it’s a distinct possibility our surviving civilization will succumb to a herd of guinea pigs.
The question begging to be answered is: Who’s going to put the “MAN” back in the future of “mankind”?
Along comes Scotty. He’s coolheaded and evenhanded, but he means business. His experience transcends taking out the trash at a seedy roadside bar…he does his dirty work on the savage fairgrounds. No man’s land. On top of that, he too has a degree in philosophy, only his was printed out on carnival tickets and inked with the blood of all those who’ve dared cut in line at the merry-go-round.
In Scotty, we have not only the successor to James Dalton, but perhaps…
…the savior of the human race.
Sex Advice From a Carnie
Scotty is a rogue, a libertine…a carnie. He is so famous for his many illicit love affairs and perpetual womanizing that his name is synonymous with the art of seduction. For Scotty, the fairgrounds are an open field of sexual opportunities…for the rest of us, his incontrovertible sex advice is an opportunity for self improvement.
Eric Thomas Craven
Tony Shaddock
John Holden
