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S-E-X.

Lord knows there’s plenty of that awaiting him on the open road.

I sat down with Scotty to discuss the after-hours of the carnival business—when the lights go down on the ferris wheel, the pee splattered rides in Kiddie Land finally start to dry, the tarps come down on the ring toss and dunk tank…and the real games begin.

In this edition of Carnie Tales, Scotty gives us a little sex education, breaking it down to the bare essentials…

…prostitution:

I’ll be a son of a bitch if it didn’t cost me a hundred and seventy-five dollars. A hundred and seventy-five for a good fuck and a piece of blowjob. Holy shit, man, I was fuckin’ broke the next day. That was a fuckin’ hooker. Huge tits…and she has fuckin’ big tits. You can put your fuckin’ hand right on the motherfuckers. She was a good suck though. I gave it to her. I used a condom. Two. She sucked it when the rubbers were on. I said ‘leave the fuckers on.’”

“I like hair down there. It tickes when it’s a little bushy. That’s why I like it. You can put it in there and get it tickled.”

…how to get more women into bed:

“Put more maple syrup on your French toast. You gotta be a man and use lots of syrup. You’ll pick up a lot of pussy that way. Girls like that. When you eat spaghetti, put Tabasco sauce in it. One time I did that and the girl I was with said ‘let’s go.’”

…and his own sexuality:

“I’ve been horny the rest of my life. Where have you guys been?”