Green Tea Frappuccino
High calorie, grass flavored icy sludge.
White Chocolate Mocha
High fructose paste in a cup.
Iced Mocha
Lightly sweetened anal discharge, over ice.
Coffee Frappuccino
Coffee “flavor” blended with synthetic byproducts.
Caffè Americano
Snobby way to ask for coffee.
5 Comments | 
Compelling Articles!, Reviews | Tagged: review, six word reviews, Starbucks | 
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Posted by Eric Thomas Craven
“Last night, I dragged happicow to a Bella Morte concert at The Haunt.
In lieu of an opening band, they instead premiered A New Low 2 before the show. If you think Viva La Bam is super high-culture, you’d probably dig this film a bunch; but personally I just don’t get the appeal of teabagging or vomiting on your friends.”
http://tekniklr.com/wpblog/2006/12/18/me-doin-something-besides-playin-wow/
Leave a Comment » | Reviews | Tagged: A New Low 2, Bella Morte, premiere, Uncategorized, Viva La Bam | Permalink
Posted by Eric Thomas Craven
Lemonade Blended Beverage
Cold, chunky, lemon scented corn syrup.
Grande sugar-free Vanilla Latte, “skinny,” no foam
Muddy water for cuntish old hags.
Mocha Frappuccino
A coffee-esque, toilet flavored McDonalds milkshake.
Starbucks Brewed Coffee
Ground fresh…bagged, shipped…served stale.
Caramel Macchiato
Celebrate your appreciation of tooth decay.
1 Comment | Compelling Articles!, Reviews | Tagged: Reviews, six, Starbucks, word | Permalink
Posted by Eric Thomas Craven
I got back to my house 20 minutes from the time I’d left, with a thirst for more than just the morning coffee in my right hand. It is Tuesday, a day in which new music and movies are released nationwide on digital formats for our consumer needs. I hadn’t anticipated any particular new releases, but I knew I’d find something, anything to put further stress on my iPod’s hard drive in no more than thirty seconds of riffling through the iTunes store.
I hit the 128 kb/s jackpot when I discovered AFI had a new album out!
I immediately purchased the album and gulped down my coffee with great anticipation as the songs downloaded to my computer and transferred over to my iPod. I cancelled my 12:30 business luncheon and went out for a long nature walk to really absorb the new songs; to take in every note and become one with the music.
I’d like to share with you my review as it appears on iTunes. I typically write six-word record reviews, but this release is so special, so enchanting…I felt the need to go above and beyond–a reflection, if you will, of the album itself.
(click to enlarge)
3 Comments | Compelling Articles!, Reviews | Tagged: blog, new, record, review | Permalink
Posted by Eric Thomas Craven
Gwen Stefani The Sweet Escape
An elaborate prank on gullible retards?
Coheed and Cambria No World For Tomorrow
Impenetrable sex shield for husky virgins.
Kanye West Graduation
Black music for white douche bags.
My Chemical Romance Black Parade
A rock opera without AIDS? Gay.
Ashlee Simpson I Am Me
Art is dead. Fat chicks rejoice.
Leave a Comment » | Compelling Articles!, Reviews | Tagged: record, Reviews, six, word | Permalink
Posted by Eric Thomas Craven
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