Carnie Tales (vol. 1)

Scotty1Scotty works the carnival circuit. Been on the road over twenty years. During the offseason, he spends his days and hard earned poker chips at the mall. He drifts from store to store, halting only to share pearls of his wisdom…scholarly knowledge from thy hallowed fairgrounds. His narratives cover a vast array of subjects—anything from the open road, to the many women and Mexicans he’s met along the way.

However, in this particular installment of Carnie Tales, we’ll touch base on just that…

…the road:

“I ride with my boss. I have to keep him awake…so he can drive. I don’t. I fall asleep. His wife bitches at me all the time. I’d like to have her. She’s hot. I’d like to have his daughter better.”

…women:

“I went with a girl once. For seven years. She went down to Virginia, got pregnant by another man. I broke up with her. He came up here, said “I want to meet ya.” I met him…right on the ground. That’s stupid. Cheated on my woman. I graduated with her. I met her in sixth grade. I went with her eight years. She went down to Florida…Virginia. Come back pregnant by another man. That was the end of it.”

…more women:

“I went to a whore bar one time…I’ll be a son of a bitch…she grabs my cock, takes me in the other room…and strokes it.”

…and Mexicans:

“I had this one Mexican, ten years ago…runnin’ the merry-go-round. Every time he’d go underneath it…he liked to jack off in front of ‘em. You can’t do that when people are on it…because the pedal is outside where the front gate is.”

Become friends with Scotty on Facebook. You have much to learn from him.


    see also:
    -Bon voyage, Scotty!
    -Carnie Tales (vol.2)
    -Self-Defense Tips From a Carnie
    -Sex Advice From a Carnie

About Eric Thomas Craven

Brilliant filmmaker, phenomenal writer, horror movie aficionado, comic strip dabbler, music enthusiast, gnarly skateboarder and all around garbage pail kid.

Posted on November 5, 2009, in Compelling Articles!, The Carnie! and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a Comment.

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