Drews birthday party was a great success. None of the entertainment showed up & as tradition would have it, one of Drews ex girlfriends single handedly kamikazeed the party in a drunken stupor…but many millions of people showed up to celebrate the most joyous occasion in human history & a lot of them even brought the senile bitch some cool presents.

In other news, Drew finally has a new girlfriend after a year long battle with ugliness that saw him spending evenings indoors trying to master a Rubix Cube. Her name is Ingrid, a foreign exchange student from a small village south-east of the Swiss Alps…that or she’s just a drug addict from the west side of Elmira with a really cool name.

And on one last note, look for Drew on your front porch selling knives, weekdays this summer.